Three Awesome Ways to Avoid Arguments
~ By Fran Briggs
Avoiding an argument no longer has to be an arduous task! "Three
Awesome Ways to Avoid Arguments," offers innovative and effective
strategies to introduce calm to even the most argumentative
discussion. This checklist is by relationship expert, Fran Briggs.
Three Tips for Avoiding Any Argument
Listen - Listening to your speaker during a heated argument is one
of the most challenging things you'll ever do. Especially when you
believe the information is inaccurate or the speaker is speaking to
you in a vindictive voice tone. Clear your mind of all distractions
and concentrate on information that you don't already have. Nod your
head occasionally to affirm that you are listening. And, always
place your need to understand, before your desire to be understood.
Avoid Adding Fuel to the Fire - Eliminate making statements such as:
"I'm sorry, but what you're saying makes absolutely no sense at
all." Or, "If you would just calm down for a minute, maybe I could
explain..." Statements like these only intensify the core of
frustration or anger. Instead, go "old school." Bite your tongue
when you find yourself tempted to say anything that may be perceived
to be condescending.
Flip the Script - OK. This technique requires skills. If your
speaker is livid and "lashing out irrationally," he's reacting from
the right side (the emotional side) of his brain. Aim to alter his
emotional state and get him to the other side, as smoothly and
quickly as possible. To do this successfully, you must interrupt his
current focus and pattern of communication. First, say his name.
Then, immediately ask for clarification. People instinctively
respond from a slightly calmer emotional state when they hear their
own names. Then, with composure, speak numerically. For example:
"Stephen. Let me make sure I understand. You're saying, number one;
when I don't return your keys to the place where I found them, it
irks you to no end. Two, it puts you in a position where you lose
10, 15, 30 minutes of your day - or even more - when I don't think.
And three, you're asking is it really that difficult to complete
one, simple routine. Is that accurate?"
In order to follow the sequence of numbers you just laid out,
Stephen has to flip his own script, to the calmer. Why? Because his
brain hears numbers! That means, the right side automatically
enlists the left side to take over. The left side is the rational
side of our brain. It handles numbers, logic and of the like.
Stephen is now in a solution-oriented, state of mind.
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